But some people can’t tell where it hurts. They can’t calm down. They can’t ever stop howling.
The Silence of Dogs in Cars, Martin Usborne.
I was once left in a car at a young age. I don’t know when or where or for how long, possibly at the age of four, perhaps outside a supermarket, probably for fifteen minutes only. The details don’t matter. The point is that I wondered if anyone would come back. The fear I felt was strong: in a child’s mind it is possible to be alone forever.
Around the same age I began to feel a deep affinity with animals – in particular their plight at the hands of humans. I saw a TV documentary that included footage of a dog being put in a plastic bag and being kicked. What appalled me most was that the dog could not speak back.
I should say that I was a well-loved child and never abandoned and yet it is clear that both these experiences arose from the same place deep inside me: a fear of being alone and unheard.
When I started this project I knew the photos would be dark. In a sense, I was attempting to go back inside my car, to re-experience what I couldn’t bear as a child. What I didn’t expect was to see so many subtle reactions by the dogs: some sad, some expectant, some angry, some dejected. It was as if upon opening up a box of grey-coloured pencils I was surprised to see so many shades inside.
There is life in the darkest places inside us.
This hits me in places I’d forgotten I had.
shout out to girls with harsh voices and boys with fat thighs and to people who dont like a tv show but will still watch it with a good attitude if their friend wants to watch it and shout out to people who only rarely talk to their pets in baby voices and also to people who laugh at their own jokes and people who draw angry eyebrows on billboards i love you all
On rape jokes
I’ve sometimes seen rape jokes defended on the grounds that it’s important to ‘make people feel uncomfortable’- as if causing discomfort in itself, or purposefully callously making people feel upset is something revolutionary in itself. ‘Shocking’ material is often treated as if it’s got something important to say, or as if it serves some use to laugh over it, when in reality, joking about this stuff has an overall negative effect.
Rape jokes only make decent people (and rape survivors) uncomfortable and make people who harbour misogynistic ideas (along with actual rapists) too comfortable. By repetition, they dull decent people’s rightfully shocked response to trivialising something like this over time and make them think it’s ‘okay’ to do so. The end result is that the majority end up more comfortable with not taking rape seriously, rapists and misogynists have their views slapped on the back and considered hilarious, and rape survivors and others who object are criticised and belittled for for being ‘too sensitive’.
Don’t hang out with people who don’t love you. Don’t try to impress people who aren’t worth it. Don’t try to win people over who aren’t worth it. Focus on yourself, and focus on the people who are really awesome and who love you. Don’t hang out with people who make you feel like shit. Don’t spend your energy on them.
Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn’t matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough.
this month’s horoscopes
GEMINI: is it alive? is it lurching toward you? is it howling wordless obscenities?
CANCER: can you show us where you have buried it?
LEO: where are your hands? what are you doing? what have you done?
VIRGO: where can you hide?
LIBRA: are you breathing? are you boiling?
SCORPIO: do you understand? do you understand this? any of this?
SAGITTARIUS: do you have bones? do you have skin?
CAPRICORN: do you have a way out? can you see any exits? are there exits?
AQUARIUS: are there lights? are there stars? are you all right?
PISCES: are you choking? are you happy?
ARIES: is the room on fire? is your head on fire?
TAURUS: is this the last of it? are you still there? what happened to you?
QUICK REMINDER THAT SOME PEOPLE ARENT PHYSICALLY/MENTALLY ABLE TO DO THE FOLLOWING:
- GET OUT OF BED EVERY DAY
- CHANGE INTO ‘REAL CLOTHES’ EVERY MORNING
- ATTEND SCHOOL/WORK
- GO OUTSIDE
THEY ARE STILL MAJESTIC. IF THIS APPLIES TO YOU THEN YOU ARE STILL FUCKING MAJESTIC. YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY WHAT YOU ARE OR ARE NOT ABLE TO DO.
ANYONE WHO TRIES TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD BECAUSE YOU CAN’T DO A CERTAIN THING CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES.
Calling hyperlexics “insensitive to those who lack the privilege to understand them” for employing a large vocabulary in their own personal posts and writings is really fucking rude.
I’m really sick of people telling us that it’s not okay to be hyperlexic. That other people can use their amplified skills, but we cannot. No one cares that we may not be able to understand that chart or map, but when we want to use our amplified language skills in our own writings and posts, well, that’s suddenly a problem. Yes, we oft do have to “tone it down” when speaking to others, and if someone has an issue with language, of course I’ll “tone it down”. However, telling someone that they should basically never use their natural talent, whilst they themselves used their amplified spacial skills, is really rude, insensitive, and nasty.
I dunno. I try to not sound like an over-educated bag of dicks but sometimes… yeah, the big words slip out?? i guess I’m used to being called an over-educated bag of dicks who’s trying to show off my education and shame people with less education (which I really try not to do) so… *shrugs* fine line, maybe??
This kind of thing is really tricky for me, because I grew up in an environment where people didn’t listen to anything I said unless I sounded like I was talking out of a text book. In any kind of disagreement, if I was emotional, or if I swore or used slang, people would completely ignore me. Arguments were basically all contests to see who could outmaneuver whom with their vocabulary and grammar, and of course I usually “lost” (as if anyone can win that kind of game) because eventually I would “get emotional” and become completely nonverbal.
So my vocabulary and grammar were developed largely in part to get people to listen to me, especially since if I learned more words, I had a greater ability to express specific concepts/feelings in as few words as possible, which was vital if I was basically on a timer for when I would lose my ability to speak completely.
But the big problem now that I’m out of that environment is that sometimes when I get in arguments, I switch into that sort of “textbook mode” and it just makes situations really nasty because to other people it really seems like I’m talking down to them or trying to make them feel stupid, and I have no idea how to talk about Serious Important Upsetting things any other way. :/
Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.
Identity is not a bunch of little cubbyholes stuffed respectively with intellect, race, sex, class, vocation, gender. Identity flows between, over, aspects of a person. Identity is a river – a process.